Thursday, June 25, 2009

 
Those shadows
haunt me. Again?
I am not entirely myself right now. I'm even jelaous. That's something i admit. And i'm put back. That's something i have to cope with because i can't do anything to change that for good. I tried. Big mistake: It made me even weaker. The alternative is to let go, but that's no option at all of course. She loves me and i love her. Despite all of my troubles with it this does not need to be touched.
But since we know that both, it makes me powerless. I don't have a trade or treat. I just need some little more time. Not much really, only a small fraction more of her time. But thats impossible right now. There's a difference between love and interest. She loves me. But her interests lie somewhere else. Somewhere where she does not want me to be, on something she does not want to share with me.
I liked the freedom in our connection. Now I'm feeling lonely. Perhaps this time of lonelyness is the price to pay for the freedom. I will pay it as long as i can, i don't have a real choice. I just hope that there will come other times again before i'm broke. She told me so. I want to believe her.
Is there something wrong with summers?
the stranger 22:10